‘For This Child We Have Prayed.’ 1 Samuel 1:27
Happy Mother’s Day! Today is one of those days that for years I loved to celebrate the amazing women in my life, but I also was very sad for myself because we did not have a child of our own. I wanted to start this post with, I understand THAT PAIN and I am praying for YOU! I am praying for those mother’s at heart that yearn and desire a child! If you have not been following me for a while I thought that I should share our journey to a family!
In 2017 (prior to Brayden) I suffered two miscarriages back to back and at the time my desire for a child took over my entire being! We had been married for 9 years and we wanted a family, it was the hardest thing that my husband and I have ever experienced together! The questions of, ‘could we have a child,’ ‘was my body capable of carrying a child,’ ‘what was wrong with ME.’ All of these question burned in my mind daily! I was told to constantly just ‘stop thinking about it’ because ‘I was stressing my own body out’ and every time I heard this my heart sank deeper and deeper! I did know deep in my soul that God was with me and that HE is faithful, but my flesh-side kept creeping in with doubt! I was told by two doctors that I should wait for months after my second miscarriage to let my hormones level out and we needed to do some testing after this waiting period… this was the LAST thing I wanted to hear! I then researched fertility OBGYN’s and found one that I was very impressed with, went in and had a consult and they gave me so much hope and THAT very next month after my second miscarriage I conceived my son. Brayden and carried him full-term (GOD IS IN CONTROL!)! I wish I could say that my doubts disappeared when I got those sweet words ‘pregnant’ on my Clearblue stick, but for practically my entire pregnancy I didn’t overextend myself, I was very cautious and honestly checked the toilet paper 9/10 to make sure there was no blood.
God blessed us with the best gift I have ever received on June 13th 2018! I only share this story because I know today is TOUGH for lots of amazing women out there and I do not want to be a source of that hurt! I think with social media when we see the perfectly styled happy family photos our minds get the best of us and we automatically assume that ‘it was so easy for them’ and sometimes that’s just not the case!
Now to this sweet baby that I carry in my belly, I have a whole different set of emotions! We did conceive this miracle baby pretty quickly after about 4 months of trying and have not had any complications (of which I am so grateful for and thank God!) This time around though it has been so odd living in a state of nationwide, for lack of better words, PANIC! I have not gone into a public store in about 2 months and my sweet husband has done all the grocery shopping so I did not have to unnecessarily be in public and expose Brayden and me. I am being cautious, but I am not allowing the fear to take over my thoughts! I don’t want to live in a state of fear this pregnancy, God is in control and I am fully relying on Him and His promises during this time to get us ALL through this! This virus did not surprise Him and He is with us every single day. I will say that with having my past history not having the ability to go into my doctor for my monthly heartbeat checks is hard because I want to know that sweet baby is developing like he/she should.
We find out gender at our anatomy scan in about 3 weeks so I am so excited to see this sweet baby! As far as symptoms and craving I have been VERY nauseous, like since week 6 up until now at week 15! I have thrown up almost weekly and have just felt like I wanted to all day every day! I have had the strongest cravings for BBQ potato chips primarily and anything with cream cheese! I think I could eat a cream cheese bagel with jelly every morning and be happy! I am so excited for either gender because there are so many fun ways to picture our life with two boys or a boy and sweet girl. So I will let ya’ll know as soon as we find out!
I just wanted to wish ALL of you a Happy Mother’s Day today and share our news with you! You are my family and I am beyond grateful for your love and support over these last 5 years and I could not be more thankful for all of you caring about my family and our life! I hope today is filled with lots of love and happiness for each one of you! Love you! XOXO!